People who know me personally are probably aware of the fact that I'm a pretty liberal person. I generally have no problem with homosexuality, religion, or the government monitoring my emails and text messages. What a lot of people aren't aware of, however, is that I'm also a pretty staunch advocate of the 2nd amendment. To anyone who isn't familiar with the U.S. constitution, that means that I believe that people have the right to own guns.
When people hear someone say "2nd amendment," they generally begin to stir up a big shit-storm like a fat 8-year-old who put way too much chocolate powder in a glass and started to swirl a spoon around.
Let's make one thing clear: we live in a pretty fucked up world. Guns play a large part in why there's so much murder and other violence in the world. There's no denying it. Guns exist and, if someone wants a gun badly enough, they'll find a way to get it. You think that theater in Colorado wouldn't have been shot up if there were more strict regulations on guns? You're a fool. If you really believe that it's that hard to get your hands on an AR-15, I sure hope you own one and are getting ready to make a bowl of soup with your skull and a hollow-point.
It's inevitable that you, or someone you know, will be involved with guns at some point. No, you probably won't get shot, and neither will your friends or family. But you'll be involved in a situation at some point where you'll think to yourself, "man, I could have avoided all that if I just would have laid a piece on that fucker."
I'll give you an example.
In late May of this year, I was riding my bicycle home through a residential side-street in a suburb called Lake Oswego. My head and tail lights were on, and I was clearly visible to anyone paying even the slightest modicum of attention. So, I'm taking a side street through this area, and I come to slow myself at a 4-way stop (because in Portland, the law states that a cyclist only has to YEILD at a stop sign before crossing). Suddenly, I saw a white truck pull up about 8 inches beside me and stop. Had he gone any further, his passenger's side mirror would have collided with my shoulder and knocked me to the side. I looked him in the eyes and gave him that look that most people would classify as the "dude, are you fucking kidding me?" look.
On a side note, I'd like to make clear that in Oregon, as with most other places, the law states that any vehicle has to give you one full meter of room on either side, regardless of a cyclist's position on the road. That means that, if I feel like it's necessary for my safety, I can ride in the middle of the lane and you're not allowed to pass me unless you give me 3 feet.
So, I chose to believe that this gentleman in his truck was just some asshole and wouldn't fuck with me again. Obviously I have too much faith in people, because he proceeded to speed past me and park his truck in my path. I crossed him on the left, this time, so that I could pass safely without a collision.
As I passed, I noticed he had his window rolled down and I stopped. I said, "where's my three foot, man?" to which he responded "aren't you assholes supposed to stop for stop signs?" At this point, I simply nodded and proceeded to ride along.
To his credit, he stopped at all the stop signs along the way, and didn't manage to catch up with me until I reached a rather large intersection that was occupied by a lot of traffic. This particular intersection was notorious to me for being incredibly dangerous and, cold and wet as I was, I decided to wait until I saw a safe opening to pass through. Unfortunately, this irate motorist caught up with me and knocked into my back wheel, just slightly. No, I wasn't thrown off balance, but I was jarred enough to notice. He then killed the ignition in his truck and stormed out in a huff. "You bikers think you're just the top, shit, don't you? What the fuck did you think you were doing back there?" he said. I replied, "just following the rules. Get off it, dude. I'm cold and wet and I want to go home and get drunk."
Shit hit the fan right about here. The driver proceeded to grab me by the shoulder and pull me away from my bike. My bike fell to the side and I stumbled over it into a puddle, with my arm still in his grasp. Adrenaline started to pump in a way I had never felt before.
Now, I'm not a fighter. I don't like to be confrontational when it isn't necessary. The only times I've ever been in fights, they consisted of a single hit followed by me sitting on someone's shoulders until they decided they'd had enough. I'm not a tough guy and I know myself well enough to know that, in a real fist fight, I'm fucked. What I can say for myself, however, is that I'm quick. So, when an opening presented itself, I tucked myself in and escaped this asshole's grip, and asked him what the fuck his problem was.
He posited that all cyclists were criminals and assholes. I'm sure that, were I a black man, he would have probably called me a nigger, too. He had that kind of face. You know, that kind of face that looks like it's been waiting all day to issue someone a horrifying racial slur. I ALMOST wish I had provoked him a bit more, but it was too late. Another motorist pulled up in a Volvo and asked if they should call the police. Shouting to them over the sound of the traffic, the rain, and the asshole's comments (which amounted to "you wanna fucking fight? You wanna fucking go? I could take you on one handed!"), I said "I think you probably should."
I don't think they ever called the police. The interaction was over about thirty seconds later. Obviously, this prick was a bit too scared to fight when there were people watching it happen. I climbed on my bike again and rode the rest of the way home.
That was a story that you probably had no interest in reading. I don't give a shit. Fuck you.
My entire point is that, had I been in the same situation but with a GUN, it would have taken about half as long as it did in real life. He would have stormed out of his car, grabbed me, and I would have escaped and flashed a 9 mil in his face. That's it, and it would have been done. I have to say that I would also probably have thoroughly enjoyed the look on his face as he shit and pissed his pants all at the same time. I also like to imagine that I would have held it up to his head and asked him to beg for forgiveness. But I'm not quite that ruthless. YET. Let's give it time.
I mean, even a knife would have done the job. I don't think it would have been nearly as effective, but it would DO THE JOB. I'm certainly not the kind of person who would ever buy a gun and load it. That's the kind of line that I just wouldn't cross. Even if the gun was loaded, I know that I would never have shot a person. I don't care what kind of shithead you are. I don't think I could ever handle taking a human life. But I can say that there is a kind of power that comes with intimidation. That's the kind of power that has an effect on people.
So, when I say I'm in favor of guns, don't get me wrong. I don't think people should use guns to kill people. I don't think you should use knives to stab people either. I think that would be a waste of a valuable knife that could later be used to mercilessly decapitate a head of broccoli or emasculate a stalk of celery. But friends, there are people in this world who want to hurt you. Are you going to let yourself live in fear of people who don't deserve to lick the shit from the soles of your shoes? No. You should teach them a lesson about acting like humans TOWARD other humans. Sometimes, all it takes is a threat.
