First post.

Welcome.

I feel like I need to do something special for the first post on Reasons Why I Hate You. Unfortunately, as I'm currently inebriated, most of my thoughts about why I hate you are too scrambled to actually put them into a comprehensible format right now. So I'll just tell you a little bit about myself and about this blog.

I'm not some kind of magical internet personality who wants to bullshit you into believing that I know how to do anything more on a computer than check my email and copy/paste text into a document. I work at a grocery store and spend the majority of my time there admiring the beautiful women that come in. When I'm not looking at pretty girls, I'm trying to induce vomiting from accidentally glancing at an obese woman wearing pajama pants and flip flops, letting her gut seep out of her shirt like skin colored cottage cheese dripping slowly out of a mixing bowl. Unfortunately I see the latter much more frequently than the former.
I also have to deal with a lot of insane people who think that I can solve every problem in their lives just by listening. These people don't understand that while they are crying and telling me that they just found out they have cancer or that their parents both died in a car crash, I'm actually thinking about having sex or punching a goat in the face. Or perhaps, If I'm in a particularly good humor, I'll be thinking about doing both of those things at the same time.

This blog is going to serve as a repository for all of the otherwise meaningless and offensive things that I think about on a day to day basis. This blog is not really directed at any one person, of group of people, and much of the content will be completely unrelated to things and people that I hate because I have heaps of things better to be doing than criticizing Juggalos or taking a piss on Christianity. As the name would suggest, this page will be mainly about reasons that I hate people and wish that I could live in seclusion in the wilderness and mercilessly slaughter my own vegetables for food. I would kill deer and rabbits just for fun, and mount their heads up on my walls, because I don't eat meat aside from fish. As an added bonus, you can make a pretty cool hat out of a bear's ass and a moose's face.
If you have a problem with anything that you see posted on this blog, you can keep it to yourself. I deal with hundreds of useless, annoying idiots on a day to day basis and I don't need any more of you trying to shit on a plate that's already full of shit. Don't try to pour more water into a glass that's already full. You'll achieve the same result as if you email me: someone smacking you upside the head asking why you're doing something so fucking stupid. 



Now that we've established why you will hate this blog, let me tell you about some of the people and things that I hate.
-First and foremost, I hate you.
-I hate your kids and your grandkids and basically every single person in your entire fucking family. I don't ever want to hear about your stupid fucking kids because they're little fucking pieces of shit that broke off of a bigger piece of shit, which is you.
-I hate your dog and I don't want to see your stupid fucking pictures of him chewing on your testicles. My dog is the only cool dog in the world and all of the other dogs suck.
-If your parents are paying for your college, I hate you. The only reason your parents should be paying for college is if it's for them to get a degree with their fucking name on it.
-I would say that I hate Christians but I don't. Because Christianity is just a group of people that have more things for me to hate about them than just their religion. I will not waste my time hating someone for being stupid, because being stupid is a much better reason to hate someone.
-And to further elaborate on the above point, I hate people who are intolerant of people because of their race, religion, nationality or gender.
-I also hate Polish people.



If you've managed to read this far into my first post without suffering a minor stroke, I'd like to thank you. I hope you'll continue to read my irreverent and generally useless thoughts on the human race, and my thoughts about things in general.